August 1st, 2008

8/01/2008

My name is Jared.

And I used to be fat.

I lost the weight by eating

Subway Sandwiches

And exercising.

Back when I was fat

They called me Jared

Some people made fun of me

When I was younger

But people stopped saying awful things

As I got older,

Now that I’ve lost the weight

They call me Jared, the guy that

Used to be super fat

I’d hold up my old 62 inch waist pants

During my Tour de Pants,

Smile for the cameras

And say what they expect me to say.

I gave inspiration to millions

And received millions in exchange

My name is Jared,

I used to be fat

But I really want to be known as Jared

Just plain old Jared,

The good old boy,

The guy with a 10 inch cock,

Ok, 6 inches.

Alright, forget about the cock thing.

How’s about Jared,

The guy who can paint really well,

Who’s pretty good at scrabble

Who has a respectable coin collection.

I just don’t want to be fuckin’ Jared,

The guy who used to be fat.

I’m sick of subway sandwiches

Get me a fuckin Big Mac